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Let’s talk about punter text messages. Because somewhere between “Hi, are you available?” and “U up babe?” a whole generation of allegedly grown men decided to switch their brains off and start typing with their dicks.
If you’ve ever worked the phones at a brothel or had your own work number, you already know: the real pandemic isn’t COVID, it’s shit SMS etiquette.
So this is a public service announcement – for the boys, for the ladies, for the poor receptionists who have to read this chaos at 3am and still say, “Hi hun, how can I help?”
Grab a drink. This might sting.
Exhibit A: “U avail?” This bloke always texts like he’s being charged per vowel.
“U avail” … “how much” … “now?” That’s it. No hello, no name, no time, no context, like you’re a hungry ghost floating around Burswood waiting to teleport into his lap.
My brother in Christ, this is not UberEats. You’re not ordering a Large Latina Combo with garlic bread. You’re speaking to a human being who runs a business.
Bare minimum:
If your message looks like it was typed by a concussed magpie pecking at a Nokia, start again.
The worst one I ever sent myself back in the day was: RU open for business ?
Exhibit B: The Menu Shopper
This guy sends the same copy-paste essay to six girls at once:
“Hi babe, what services u do? BBJ? Greek? Bareback? Face sitting? Discounts? Can I see more pics? What ur limit? I’m generous
Generous, he says, while trying to bulk-order extras like he’s at a yum cha trolley.
Here’s a tip: if the first thing you do is demand a full sexual CV plus a discount before you’ve even confirmed a time, every woman in the building knows exactly what you are:
High maintenance. Low spend. Massive headache.
You know what actually looks generous?
“Hey, I’ve read your profile. I’d love to see you for an hour at X time. Is that possible?”
Then shut up. Wait for a reply. Magic.
Exhibit C: The Phantom Booker
This genius makes a booking, confirms twice, swears he’s five minutes away.
Then vanishes. Phone off. No show. Reception is pissed, the girl’s done her makeup, shaved, turned down another guy… all because Captain Commitment issues couldn’t be bothered sending, “Sorry, can’t make it.”
Look, life happens. Cars break down. Boss drags you into overtime. Wife suddenly wants to “talk about the relationship.”
Fine. But be a grown adult and cancel. You’re not protecting anyone’s feelings by ghosting. You’re just being a dickhead with less reliability than Perth public transport.
Two lines is all it takes:
“Sorry, I have to cancel. Can’t make it today.” Done. You’ll still be a flog, but at least you’re a considerate flog.
Exhibit D: The Emotional Dump Truck
Not content with a normal booking inquiry, this one opens with his full tragic backstory.
“Hey babe, I’m so lonely, my wife left me, I haven’t been touched since 2014, my dog died, I’m devastated, I just need someone who understands…”
Mate. Therapy exists. Lifeline exists. Your GP exists.
Escorts are not emotional landfills for every unprocessed feeling you’ve ever had. Yes, a lot of them are incredibly kind, intuitive, and good listeners. That doesn’t mean you get to tear your heart out and slam it on the counter before you’ve even asked if she’s working.
Bring your humanity, not your entire unresolved childhood.
Exhibit E: The “But I’m Different” Guy
This is the bloke who starts like a normal client and slowly slides into delulu.
“Hey, that was amazing, can I see you again?”
Normal. Great.
Three weeks later:
“I know you say you don’t date clients… but we have a connection.”
“I’d treat you like a queen if you didn’t have to do this.”
“If I keep booking you, maybe we can stop charging one day?”
No, Romeo. That’s not how this works. This is her job. You paying her doesn’t magically turn into a love story; it just means you settled the invoice.
You’re allowed to enjoy the chemistry. She probably does too. But once you start arguing with her boundaries over text, you’ve gone from “nice regular” to “walking red flag with data.”
How To Text Like You Actually Respect Her
Alright, enough roasting. Here’s the part that might actually help you get laid by women who don’t hate you.
If you want to stand out (in a good way):
Save the graphic fantasies for your journal unless she explicitly invites sexting. Spoiler: most don’t. They’re working, not auditioning for your wank bank.
At the end of the day, texting an escort isn’t that different from texting anyone else you want something from: be clear, be polite, don’t be a potato.
If you can’t manage basic respect over SMS, you don’t deserve the luxury of a woman who has spent an hour getting ready to make you feel good.
So next time you’re about to fire off “u avail bby Greek cheap?”, do us all a favour:
Put the phone down … Take a breath … Try again like a man who’s met civilisation.
You might be amazed how much better your bookings get when your messages don’t make everyone in reception want to throw your number in the bin.
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Author: Master Yoda
For: Langtrees.com
TalkinSex Forum | Perth Escorts | Sydney Escorts | Melbourne Escorts | Brisbane Escorts | Darwin Escorts | Adelaide Escorts | Hobart Escorts | New Zealand Escorts
“This is a really good blog with some great advice. I feel like a lot of men are just awkward, they simply do not know how to approach an escort. Working the phones more often than not you need to get past the initial crass message or misplaced wording to find out that they are actually a genuine customer.”
“The CALL Method Book more meetings using the CALL method: 1. CONNECT with the person on the phone People will meet with you IF they like you or believe that you can help them solve a problem. Begin the phone call by connecting with your client. Learn skills to help you achieve a connection quickly. 2. ANSWER the question, "Why are you calling me?" Every person you call wants to know the answer to the question, "Why are you calling me?" Plan a good answer to this question and give it to them before they ask. 3. LISTEN to their response Learn to identify key information about your client simply by the way that they respond to your introduction on the phone. 4. LOCK-IN the meeting Use what you learned from listening to your client to phrase your offer to them in a way that shows them the value of meeting with you. Then lock-in the meeting. 5. Get the details of booking ”
“This is why I love brothel work because we don’t have to deal with the nonsense that comes with managing a phone!! My friend that works private reckons only 1 out of every 10 messages is a genuine client. And her theory is that if they can’t even take the time to read her ad properly, what are they going to be like in person ”
“I have to say, I'm very grateful for all the ladies working Langtrees reception dealing with messages like this all day and night. I have no doubt their patience is tested on a regular basis. But they do a great job of turning these into bookings! ”
“Really helpful as a newbie in here.”
“Look, I’m just the receptionist, but if you send me another message that reads like you drunk-dictated it into a potato, I will simply close my eyes and pretend it’s not there.”
“An interesting read, maybe some examples would help people get across what they are looking for. But then again it sounds like some people need to learn how to read first.”
“I’d say surely a decent text message isn’t too hard, but I think it spans more than bookings with WL’s. Have you ever tried buying or selling anything on Marketplace? Oh my lord….In the day and age where the vast majority of communications are made via text messages and spelling, punctuation and good manners have either never been learned or just forgotten, I wonder what it’ll be like in another 20 years? Yes, I’m probably just an old grumpy boomer, one of those that remembers when you used to communicate by thinking about what you wanted to say, write it on a piece of paper and then put it in an envelope and stick a stamp on it ? Mind you, that would be a very slow and challenging way of making a booking with a WL ? ”
“Thank you, Yoda. Say it louder for the men in the back! This is definitely going to be a helpful read for some punters. Some guys are just new and don't know the etiquette, which is completely understandable.. But some have no such excuse haha. I would highly recommend this post to all new and regular punters as a nice, educational read, mainly if you're contacting private workers who don't always have the patience after 30 "hi" texts before theyve even had the chance to grab breakfast”
“Maybe some people just need a template. Though the fact that’s even necessary is honestly depressing”
“A good read and some good advice for the shy guys. Girls always complain, but I find men actually send better sms and clarify things if you ask them to. Yes, we get a lot of just Hi's or Heys, but many turn into bookings if we reply. Guys are just sick of girls taking more than a week to reply.”
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