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So this comes up one night at Langtrees — and I can’t even remember what the original conversation was, but Mrs Langtrees was there, which usually means things are about to go in all directions.
She’d already put a fair dent in a bottle of Lagavulin. Not sipping. Proper pours. The kind where the glass is basically a suggestion.
She’s standing there smiling — that smile that says don’t encourage me but also please encourage me — and someone says something about New Zealand. Or boats. Or work back in the day. One of those.
And Maryanne goes, “Oh Christ, that reminds me…”
Now if you’ve ever heard her tell a story, you know she doesn’t rush. She pauses. Takes another drink. Makes sure everyone’s looking.
So she starts talking about when she was working in New Zealand, dozens of moons ago. Ships would dock. Big fishing boats. Japanese fishermen. Proper long-haul blokes who’d been at sea for months.
Apparently there was this one captain. Not a metaphor — an actual captain. Hat, authority, the whole thing. And for some reason — luck, taste, fate, who knows — Maryanne was his favourite.
Every time they docked, he’d come see her. Always polite. Always respectful. Always with a gift. Little things. Chocolate. Booze. Bits and pieces he’d picked up somewhere between ports. Nothing creepy about it, according to her. Just… odd.
Anyway, one visit, he gives her the gift like usual. Then he hesitates. Says he has a question. Maryanne’s telling this with a grin now. Because she knows exactly where it’s going.
He asks her for her panties.
Whole table reacts. She says she does the logical thing — goes and gets him a new pair. Fresh out of the packet. Hands them over like, there you go, mate.
He looks at them and goes, “No. No no.” She’s like, “What’s wrong with them?” And he says, “No new. I want used.”
Now at this point Maryanne’s laughing, and half the people at Langtrees are already losing it. She asks him why, because again — fair question.
And he tells her, dead serious, that she brings good luck. That he wants to take her used panties back on the boat, wash them in the sea — “wishy washy”, that’s how she said it — because then the fish will come. Big fish. Best fish. Apparently her undies were going to be some sort of floating good-luck charm for seafood.
She’s telling this while refilling her glass, absolutely delighted with herself.
I don’t know if he caught the biggest fish. I don’t know if the panties worked. I don’t even know if any of this makes sense.
What I do know is that by the end of the story, the Scotch was gone, everyone was crying laughing, and it felt exactly like a Langtrees night should feel.
Which is to say: slightly inappropriate, very funny, and impossible to explain properly the next day.
That’s it.
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Author: Master Yoda
For: Langtrees.com
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“OMG, I've heard Mary-Anne tell this story and it was hilarious. She's a born storyteller with an endless supply of material and she knows exactly how to work a room. With the number of stories she has and the way she tells them, that podcast is going to be absolute dynamite”
“This had me laughing the whole way through ? It’s one of those stories you can’t make up, and it captures Langtrees energy perfectly,funny, and somehow still weirdly wholesome. Maryanne’s storytelling alone makes it, especially with the Lagavulin detail. Loved reading this, it’s exactly the kind of thing that makes Langtrees what it is.”
“Love this story. The power of women’s used panties are not to be underestimated. Ok here’s a thought and go easy on me. What if a punter were to choose a girl based on their scent. Not knowing what they looked like, purely based on pheromones and her natural scent etc. ☺️☺️”
“Really enjoyed this story! The writing is vivid, playful and full of personality. Thanks for sharing such a memorable read ”
“Mrs Langtrees and her colourful stories. I have heard a few over the years, and they never fail to be outrageous, funny, and entertaining. Obviously, even the best story is only as good as its narrator. And Mrs Langtrees most certainly got the gift. However, like so many on here- would love to know if Mrs Langtrees knicker blessing worked the treat. ”
“There’s actually a huge market for used knickers these days! I hope the bloke caught plenty of fish with his lucky charm haha”
“Disappointed we never found out if his catch improved...might be a new line of merch if it did ”
“Only at Langtrees can someone casually explain how their used knickers were once a maritime navigation tool AND everyone just nods like it’s normal hahaha Maryanne out here blessing the fishing industry one pair of knickers at a time”
“That’s one of my favourite stories ever told in langtrees, and I’ve heard some funny ones. I can only imagine how popular the book will be when Maryanne has time to write it. ”
“Love hearing the stories from back in the day , always a great read and definitely look foward to your book Mary-Anne . I wonder if he did catch that big fish or what luck the undies did bring lol ? ”
“Never a dull moment in the company of Mrs Langtrees. I'm really looking forward to the book. ”
“Mary-Anne is one of those people who accumulates an endless amount of the most hilarious and outrageous stories without even trying. I could hear her voice just reading this! If her book has even a bit of that voice and energy, it’s going to be a great read. I can’t wait to read it.”
“Omg this is so funny and so unhinged. I genuinely had to read it more than once because my brain just couldn’t process what I was reading. Used knickers as a fishing good-luck charm??? “Wishy washy” in the sea so the fish come??? My brain just kept short-circuiting. Maryanne’s storytelling is honestly half the reason it’s so good — the pauses, the slow build, the way she lets it unfold knowing full well everyone’s about to lose it. You can feel the moment where the room starts realising this story is about to go completely off the rails. I love how it escalates from a normal conversation into full “this cannot be real” territory. Genuinely crying laughing reading this. What a story.”
“This is such a funny story, albeit enriched by the fabric of history, whilst alluding to a bygone era in the industry. A great read. Very entertaining! ”
“I wonder if the knickers served their purpose? Could be a great new marketing line for Langtrees.... This is a seriously funny blog!”
“Such a classic Langtrees story — perfectly told.”
“A great read — funny, memorable, and full of unexpected twists, perfectly told.”
“I can confirm this story... A truly educational evening with Mrs Langtrees, from sword swallowing to wishy washy sea- blessed knickers! "wishy washy wishy washy big fish come" hahahaha ”
“An interesting bait suggestions! No one has more colourful stories than Mrs Langtrees. I though when the captain asked for her panties 'Ah yes a simple man with simple needs' and when I read he wanted it for bait...well the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. A great story!”
“Ah, I so love this ❤️ That story exudes the captivating charm that makes great bars unforgettable! With Lagavulin in hand and a woman who perfectly masters the art of timing, it’s not just the allure that makes it legendary—it’s the confidence: playful, carefree, and entirely in control. Beyond the luck, fish, and whisky, the true magic lies in the slow-spun tales shared with a smile and no regrets, creating memories of Langtree’s nights that we should always cherish!”
“Love all these stories ?”
“This was such a fun read. Completely unexpected, a bit chaotic, and genuinely funny in the best way. It really feels like one of those moments where you had to be there, and the way it’s written actually puts you right in the room. Lighthearted, quirky, and a nice break from heavier stuff. Loved it.”
“Great retelling of the telling of a story. Felt like being there.”
“To those who haven't booked a table for lunch with you .... YOUR ALL MISSING OUT ... with this kind of story telling. ONLY YOU Mrs L !”
“I plan on writing a book next year with the help of a real writer. The title has been decided, and it will be about my early years from 15 in NZ until the death of my son 5 years ago. The title will be Murder@Middlemoore.”
“Hahaha another absolute classic from the vault of Miss.Langtrees... Mary-Anne needs to write a book of all her stories. I bet there's many... Might even need a few volumes.”
“Great story. Nothing better than a good story teller that engages the room. I love eating pussy. And if I am in the situation of taking the ladies underwear off, then I will smell them to lift my desire for eating her even higher. I would love to disclose a rendezvous I have had but can’t for her anonymity. But as a parting gesture she gave me a pair of her underwear to take away with me. They are sealed in my office draw. I still smell them occasionally and the scent is still there. Fantastic ??”
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