There’s a certain kind of silence that sits heavy in a man’s chest. The kind that builds over years — decades, sometimes — of swallowing pain, hiding fear, and convincing yourself that “this is just how life is.” And then, one night, you find yourself in a softly lit room with a woman who makes you feel, for the first time in forever, like you can take that armour off.
It happens more than people think. Men confiding in working ladies about their marriages. About their loneliness. About the way they don’t feel seen anymore and I want to talk about that. Because there’s something deeply human in it. Something sad. Something beautiful.
I’ve been around long enough to understand this: men rarely talk because they don’t know how.
We’ve been taught since boyhood to “suck it up,” to be useful, to be stoic. When life cuts us open, we slap duct tape over the wound and call it “being strong.” But then you walk into her space. And she’s not judging you. She’s not rolling her eyes or telling you to “man up.” She listens. She laughs at your awkward jokes. She asks questions about you — not the version of you that shows up at work or at home, but the real you. And for a moment, that silence in your chest cracks open, and the words start spilling out.
Now, on the outside? She’s kind. She’ll nod. She’ll reassure you. Maybe she’ll touch your hand or smile gently, and for that moment, you’ll feel lighter. But on the inside? That’s more complicated.
I’ve spoken with enough working ladies to know: some don’t mind when men open up. In fact, some welcome it. They understand that, for many men, this is the only safe space they have to let it out.
But others — and they’ve said this with honesty — find it heavy. Not because they don’t care, but because it’s a lot to carry. They’re balancing your pain with their own boundaries, their own emotional well-being.
One working lady told me: “I can hold a man’s hand through his storm. But I can’t be the one to stop the rain. That’s not my role. And if I try, it breaks me.” That stuck with me
The compassion they show is real. Don’t ever think it isn’t. But there’s a line. They’re not therapists. They’re not your wife. They’re not there to absorb every unspoken wound you’ve been hiding for years. And here’s the thing — when you pour it all out in that one hour, you’re not just sharing. You’re offloading. And as safe as it feels in that moment, it doesn’t heal you. It just leaves you lighter for a little while… until the silence fills back up again.
In my years of talking with working ladies, I’ve heard wisdom that could fill books.
One said: “When a man tells me about his wife, I listen. But I always wonder — what would happen if he told her? If he found the courage to share that pain where it really matters?”
Another told me: “Sometimes, I can see the little boy in them. Scared. Lonely. Just needing to be told they matter. And I give them that. But I also hope they go home and find it in themselves, too.”
That — to me — is profound.
Here’s what I believe: yes, you can. But do it with care. Confide, but don’t offload. Share your truth, but don’t make her the vessel for your grief. Let her compassion be a balm, not a replacement for the deeper work you need to do.
If your marriage feels like it’s collapsing under you? See a counsellor. Join a men’s circle. Talk to a mate who won’t just hand you another beer and change the subject.
And most importantly — start talking to her. The woman you married. It might be the hardest thing you ever do, but it might also be the thing that saves you both.
To the women reading this — especially the working ladies:
And to the men:
Because somewhere in these conversations lies the wisdom we’re all searching for — men learning to be braver with their pain, and women helping them find their way without carrying the whole load themselves.
If you’ve ever been brave enough to look into someone’s eyes and say, “This is where I hurt,” — you’re already doing the work. Don’t stop there.
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Author: Master Yoda
For: Langtrees.com
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“Expecting or hoping that a male client doesn't talk about his personal life is part of the problem. Yet again men are expected to just shoulder the pain and keep working hard to bring home the dollars and accept the neglect and put downs. If I am with a WL and a connection has been built over time why shouldn't I have a personal conversation with her? Sometimes the time spent with a working lady isn't just about the sex, that is just a convenient way to spend time with a woman that isn't going to roll her eyes at you or have a dig about your short comings.”
“I’m always open to clients being honest about their relationships—it doesn’t affect me one way or the other. However, when that honesty turns into disrespect or nastiness towards their partner, that’s where I draw the line. No matter the circumstances, I will not be the person to degrade your wife or partner.”
“I have never opened up to a working lady about my personal life. I don't think it's fair, even if they're willing to listen. In fact, I recall one experience quite vividly where a WL told me all about her life, and how she ended up in the industry, because she needed some money desperately. She didn't want to be in the industry. I felt terrible for her, and we ended up just talking for the full hour. About halfway through, she really wanted to pleasure me, but I just couldn't see her in that light anymore, and I told her just to use this appointment as a chance to relax and unwind, and to talk. At the end, she told me how much the chat meant to her and that I'd helped to restore a bit of her faith in humanity. I've never forgotten this night. I'd love to know what she's up to today and how she's doing. I hope she found happiness. Just goes to show, everybody needs a bit of kindness sometimes. ”
“A man opening up about his marriage is a man who still cares about his marriage, and this is a beautiful situation, in my opinion. I am honest to the bone about what I perceive the problem/s to be. Yes, this can be a little to a lot uncomfortable for the client, but I remind them that they asked and I may not be correct in my response. When it comes to advice about sexual intercourse, I find this advice easier to give, but when it's more emotionally based questions, I tend to make the client dig deeper and help them resolve the situation themselves, as I'm aware that I have no idea what truly goes on behind closed doors at their home. As much as we provide a physical service firsly, a lot of our clients actually just want someone to talk to who won't have a biased opinion, as we are the least judgmental people around.”
“As a working woman in this industry, this article resonated with me. So many men open up to us about their pain, marriages, and their loneliness- not because they’re looking for a solution, but because they finally feel safe enough to be real. I’ve learned that holding space for that vulnerability is a kind of quiet compassion. It’s not about fixing them, it’s about listening without judgement. This reminded me how powerful emotional honesty can be- for both sides. Sometimes just being heard can save someone, even if only for a moment. Thankyou for writing something that acknowledges the humanity in what we do Tess ”
“I love this blog. When clients tell me about their marriages, it feels very personal, but I always try to listen, be honest, and remain neutral. I feel like they trust me enough to open up about something so personal, and I love that.”
“I love when men open up about there personal problems to me, for a few different reasons. One I am a woman, while we are all different we all mostly have the same understanding with what's right and what's wrong. Two, I am unbiased so my opinion or advice is from a personal honest perspective not favouring the person but the situation. Three, I love being confined in because it means I am who I believe myself to be an open, caring, honest, safe person. People don't open up to just anyone. I love being that person who listens and gives advice because I'm really good at it, additionally I've been put through every situation thinkable so having probably gone through it myself helps!! I don't feel like anything has been weighted on to me, I see the weight being lifted off of them and that brings me so much peace. Men have so much they carry, while women do too we vent and talk talk talk but men however never properly let it all out they carry too much. That invisible rule that they aren't allowed to complain or express emotion needs to go out the window. So for me offering that safe space is so utterly important.”
“I found this article really insightful. It raises an important question about boundaries and emotional work in relationships. The idea that men might confide in working ladies instead of addressing issues with their spouse speaks to a deeper desire for connection beyond the surface. At the same time it reminds us how vital it is to hold ourselves and our clients to ethical clarity, transparency and respect. Thanks for shining a light on this nuanced side of intimacy and trust. ”
“Love the perspective from both sides of this. It's wonderful that men feel safe with these women, but the quote “When a man tells me about his wife, I listen. But I always wonder — what would happen if he told her? If he found the courage to share that pain where it really matters?” is so impactful, that conversation would be one of the hardest things they do together but you never know how much it could help the both of them. ”
“Powerful insight. Sharing pain is about healing, not just unloading. It’s important to confide without burdening.”
“i found in the room and even on reception they open up when feeling safe have fetishes that they are not able to disclose to their family in fear of losing them ”
“Sometimes it ie easier to open up to a total stranger. It helps to process the problem. I think it is not only to get sympathy - it has more to do with the fact that talking out loud helps to digest the situation. An outsider sees the problem from a distant and without emotional involvement which can be helpful to get another perspective.”
“I’ve never thought about how heavy it might feel for her. That perspective opened my eyes.”
““This was tender and real. Men need safe spaces—but also the courage to speak where it matters most. Thank you for writing this.” ”
“A kind listener can ease the ache, but real healing starts with honest love at home.”
“Absolutely, reaching out for support and exchanging experiences with other working women can enhance understanding and offer valuable insights that help build stronger connections.”
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