Escorts, Brothels & Beating Piñatas – My Kind of Valentine’s Day

Ah, Valentine’s Day. That magical time of year when couples bask in the glow of overpriced dinners and forced romantic gestures, while the rest of us seasoned veterans of singlehood, consider sending ourselves flowers or a sex toy just to feel something.

Now, as someone who has been without a significant other for well over a decade (by choice, I assure you), I have had ample time to master the art of spending February 14th solo. Some people might call it “tragic.” I call it “cost-effective.”

The Single Life: A Well-Honed Craft

Over the years, I’ve embraced every stage of solo Valentine’s grief:

Denial – “I’m focusing on myself this year!” (Translation: I’ll be swiping left and right with the desperation of someone looking for a last-minute dinner date).

Anger – “Why should couples get all the good meal deals? Where’s my sizzling steak, dammit?” Cue me channelling Jennifer Garner in Valentine’s Day, swinging at a heart-shaped piñata in a Chinese restaurant like it personally stole my last chance at romance.

Bargaining – “Maybe my ex wasn’t that bad. I mean, sure, they ghosted me, but at least they remembered my birthday.”

Depression – Drinking an entire bottle of wine while dramatically watching The Notebook for the 17th time.

Acceptance – Realising that there are far better ways to enjoy the day—like hiring an escort or visiting a brothel where, for once, someone actually wants to hear about your day (for a price, of course).

The Beauty of Professional Companionship

Here’s the thing about Valentine’s Day when you’re single: You have options. And no, I don’t mean reactivating your old dating app profiles in a desperate bid for attention. I mean real options, ones that don’t involve pretending to care about someone’s childhood trauma over margarita's.

1. Hiring an Escort – Look, if I’m going to spend money on dinner and drinks, I’d much rather guarantee that my date is charming, attentive, and legally obligated to be nice to me. Plus, no awkward morning-after text analysis - just good company, great conversation, and the sure thing of extra-curricular activities.

2. Visiting a Brothel – Why should couples have all the fun? Brothels offer a judgment-free environment where you can indulge in whatever your heart (and other body parts) desire. Think of it as a theme park for adults, except your the one getting the rollercoaster ride, you get the idea.

A Valentine’s Day to Remember

So this year, I encourage my fellow long-term singles, men and women, to flip the script. Skip the doom-scrolling, the self-pity, and the “Happy for You” social media comments on engagement posts you don’t actually mean. Instead, embrace the freedom of being single.

Take yourself on a date, indulge in some no-strings-attached erotic fun, or book a professional escort who’ll make you feel like the most important person in the room … even if it’s just for an hour.

After all, love and sex comes in many forms. And if yours happens to come with an hourly rate? Well, at least you know you’re getting your money’s worth.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

PS: For convenience I've included a few links below to help get you started and YES, this is for both men and women (ladies we've earnt this liberation) and if your located in Perth or Canberra then swing by Langtrees, the ladies will be waiting with their valentines red lingerie on!

Comment below with your thoughts on Valentines Day and share your BEST or WORST?

Author: AmandaO
FOR: Langtrees.com

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